Aspergers Support Groups: Canada

Canada
SYNAPSE Niagra Autism Connection
1578 Lookout Street
Ridgeville, ON
LOS 1MO
Call: 905-892-2545
Fax #: 905-788-0344
Dianne Haist
Email Address: dhaist@cgocable.net

Ottawa / Carleton – Aspergers Parent Support Group
Ottawa, Ontario
Richard Annett, Coordinator
Call: 613-825-5508
Email Address: cannett@qch.ochin.on.ca

Carol Annett, Coordinator
Call: 613-825-5508
Email Address: cannett@magi.com

2 Responses to Aspergers Support Groups: Canada

  1. Sab says:

    Hello,
    I would sincerely appreciate some advice. I am wondering if my partner has Asbergers. When my son had suspicions about himself, I did a lot of research. It is possible that my son is affected but he is taking all the necessary steps and he is doing well.

    When I reviewed the tests for Asbergers, I thought constantly of my boyfriend. In our 7 years together I have always found it a rocky road and some of his behaviour has struck me as highly unusual. He is extremely private and he would be mortified if he knew I was talking about him here. I feel like I am being disloyal discussing this. I will refer to him as ‘A’.

    I found that when I pictured A as an Aspie, it changed my perspective and the way I reacted to his behaviour and it improved our relationship. I think he may be an Aspie or at least borderline. I would like him to get a diagnosis but I know that if I approach him on this topic he will, for want of a more descriptive term; “FREAK OUT”. I don’t know what to do. I really think that we would both benefit from counselling. My son has made great strides since he researched the condition and opened up about his feelings. I cannot believe the difference in my son. I never thought that he would find a girlfriend but he has a wonderful relationship. I wish that I could have the same with A. To add to the issue, I would say that my father and I have some fairly strong “geeky’ tendencies but I don’t think that I am an Aspie. I do love geeks!

    Here are just a few examples of his behaviour that make me suspicious. I would really appreciate an opinion. I know that it is just an opinion but it would be a good starting point.

    ‘A’ (and my son) graduated at the top of his engineering class.

    A has a brilliant mind and he is has incredible talents at home repairs and anything mechanical. He loves the challenge.

    He often says things that hurt my feelings and he fails to show an interest in things that are important to me. He will just cut me off when I talk about them. I do tend to be long winded. I must be fair.

    I am not allowed to touch his hair or his neck or stroke his arm. On a couple of occasions when I thought we were going to be intimate, he developed the “hibbie gibbies” and left suddenly.
    On the other hand, he will seek me out for a hug or a kiss. He is not very flexible about how we show affection.

    He takes a very long time to answer questions. The pause is so long that I think he is ignoring me. I don’t know if this is an Aspie symptom but this and other long silences make people very uncomfortable.

    When my brother was dying of cancer, he did not know how to be supportive. At the worst point I was crying and he said “Wah wah wah, my brother is dying”. When my brother suffered a second heart attack, before it was diagnosed as one, my father told me the symptoms and why he knew it was a heart attack. A showed no empathy. He argued with me about the details and lack of proof of a heart attack. He pressed hard for details and he grew angry with me when I was unable to provide them. I just wanted him to hold me and be kind to me. I felt so alone.
    When later he did some things right, I praised him and he asked me “What did I do right?” He really did not know.

    He is very, very controlling, offing advice about almost everything I do.

    He is extremely critical. When I cook for him, he always has ‘advice’. I get very disheartened because I feel like I can never please him. When his daughter practiced her Phd presentation he criticized how she held herself, how she enunciated, etc etc. He encouraged me to do the same. I wish he could understand that she will change these behaviours naturally if he would praise her instead of criticize. We are making slow progress in this regard.

    He has difficulty organizing things because of his need for perfection. Instead he leaves his clutter because he is overwhelmed at the prospect of organizing it all.

    He often shows his feeling for me by doing kind things like cutting the grass or home renovations.

    He always has an English muffin for breakfast. Yesterday, he was in a very bad mood all day. At the end of the day when I pressed for an explanation, he told me it was because there were no English muffins. This is a big improvement over the days when he would tell me that I have no business asking him what is wrong. He was running errands that day near the store but he did not think to buy them. That is my job. He calmed right down when I apologized and promised to buy some before he gets up this morning.

    His outbursts and unpredictable behaviour, have made me consider leaving him on a number of occasions but I really feel like he is a diamond in the rough. He is extremely loyal and caring and loving in his own way. I love his brilliant mind and his sense of humour and his devotion. I want to make this work. I think that if we had a diagnosis, it would be much easier to get help.

    The other day we talked about what we had learned from each other. I was touched when he told me that he learned from me, how to treat people and how to see the good in people. It tells me that he is the genuinely kind and caring person that I believe him to be. I wish I could talk to him about my suspicions.

    If you have any advice for me about how to approach this or just how to understand and get along with him better I would be very thankful.
    If I could understand him better I would not feel so hurt by his behaviour.
    If you have any opinions about my suspicions based on what I have said or any questions, please let me know.
    Thank you so much for listening and helping,
    Sab

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: